When it comes to your wardrobe...

...don't go crazy and give away all your clothes when you are sick.

Last year, I lost 50 pounds.  Rapidly.  I was really really sick, and was losing weight like crazy.  For a girl that had always been significantly overweight (topping out at almost 250 lbs in college), losing all that weight was kind of a weird dream-come-true, in a really fucked up kind of way.  I suddenly became too skinny, dropping down to 145, and I looked like crap.  Anyway, I've written about all that before.

In the depressed, disoriented state that I had grown used to functioning in last summer, I got rid of all my old clothes.  Really nice pants, good dresses, tops, cute jackets, lots of vintage stuff, TONS of really great clothes.  I'm kind of a clothes junkie, truth be told.  I like quirky, unique things from thrift stores and garage sales and fancy boutiques and obscure designers.  I've always had a really personal sense of style, and love collecting interesting clothing.  But in my illness-induced madness, I just decided the best course of action was to get rid of everything I wasn't using or wearing.  I thought I'd never need those clothes again, because I couldn't imagine gaining enough weight back to fit into that stuff.  Plus, I needed to change my space.  I felt so imprisoned, so desperate, so weighted down by sickness - I wanted a light, clean environment without clutter.  So, I cleaned and purged.  Did it help?  A little bit.  I still do it sometimes, and go crazy and take piles of stuff to Savers.

But is compulsive purging a good idea?  Not always.  Think before you give all that stuff away.

In my case, the weight is back, roughly 35 pounds of it now.  As I struggle to squeeze into the jeans I bought only a couple months ago, and look at hte growing pile of clothes that don't fit anymore in my closet, I kick myself for getting rid of all that stuff.  I want my old clothes back.  I need my old clothes back.  LIke those great black skinny jeans I got on sale for $15.  That cute ochre and cream-colored houndstooth jacket.  My favorite navy jersey dress.  Shit.  Gone, all gone.  I don't have the money to go buy a new wardrobe at this point, no matter how vintage, used, and inexpensive thrift I can find it.  

LESSON: Until you're healthy, don't purge your closet.  Your weight will probably fluctuate until your body evens out and your system heals.  Put your clothes in a box or a bin or a drawer, and save them somewhere.  Because  you never know when your delicate system might throw you a curveball, and make your weight change, yet again.

The waistband of my snug jeans is causing a muffin top as I write this.  Sure, it is a gluten free muffin top (ba dum ching!), but a muffin top nonetheless.  Not cool.  There is a reason I usually wear stretchy leggings, flowy skirts, and little dresses - no binding, and never too tight!